I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
handjob tips. give me some.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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