WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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