i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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