He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
