I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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