ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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