Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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