So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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