Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
