I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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