i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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