I haven't been this sober since birth.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
