life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
