Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
