Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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