just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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