I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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