Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize