I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
