i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
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"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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