she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
