I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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