He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
