that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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