All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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