After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
