We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
