So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
