you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
