i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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