oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
