so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sext me about skeletons
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
