As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
