After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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