You made me cry and you don't even care
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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