Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
