Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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