I cannot find my penis.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
