You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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