my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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