Small penises have feelings too.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
