His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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