it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
