Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
