As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize