what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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