you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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