Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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