She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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