I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
