Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
