New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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