Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
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