im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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