Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
