woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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