Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
