You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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