just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
