I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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