I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
