Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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