i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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