I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
