I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
