I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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