walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
