my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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