He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
