Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
