She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
