took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
