the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the day after is always just damage control
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
