Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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