I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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