I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
