I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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