Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
