so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
