Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
