i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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