The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
