things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
