Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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