Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
