It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
