You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
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Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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