I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
