A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
