but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
