Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
